When Anxiety Came Knocking at My Door

What experiencing anxiety taught me as both a person and a therapist.

I had supported anxiety long before I truly understood it.

Through my work as a therapist and within schools, I had sat with many people experiencing worry, panic, racing thoughts, avoidance and the physical effects anxiety can have on the body.

I understood anxiety professionally.

I empathised.

I knew the theory.

And then, in 2019, anxiety came knocking at my own door.

Suddenly, I wasn't simply sitting across from somebody describing what anxiety felt like.

I was experiencing it.

And that changed something in me.

It gave me a different understanding of just how consuming anxiety can become — how something happening internally can begin affecting your thoughts, your body, your relationships, your decisions and even the way you move through ordinary everyday life.

It also taught me something I've carried into my work ever since:

Understanding something intellectually and experiencing it personally are two very different things.

So, what actually is anxiety?

Anxiety is part of our body's natural response to perceived stress, uncertainty or threat.

Most of us will experience it at different points in our lives.

Before an interview.

Waiting for important news.

Walking into an unfamiliar environment.

Sitting an exam.

Having a difficult conversation.

Our minds and bodies are essentially saying, “Pay attention. Something important is happening.”

In those circumstances, anxiety isn't necessarily the enemy.

The difficulty comes when that internal alarm becomes particularly intense, happens frequently, feels difficult to regulate, or begins interfering with everyday life.

And anxiety isn't only something we experience in our thoughts.

Our bodies can feel it too.

You might experience:

• A racing or pounding heart

• Shaking or trembling

• Feeling dizzy, light-headed or faint

• Sweating or feeling unusually hot

• Changes in breathing

• Nausea or changes in appetite

• Restlessness and difficulty relaxing

• Difficulty sleeping

• Racing or repetitive thoughts

• Feeling an increased need for certainty or control

• Avoiding situations that make you feel anxious

• Difficulty concentrating or feeling present

  
  

Not everybody experiences anxiety in the same way.

For one person, anxiety might be predominantly thoughts.

For somebody else, it's intensely physical.

And for another person, it might show up through avoidance, irritability, reassurance-seeking or feeling as though they constantly need to be in control.

That's why I think it's important to become curious about your anxiety, rather than simply comparing your experience with somebody else's.

What is my anxiety trying to tell me?

One of the biggest shifts we can make is moving away from immediately asking:

“How do I make this stop?”

and becoming curious about:

“What's happening for me right now?”

That doesn't mean we have to like the feeling or simply accept being overwhelmed by it.

It means beginning to understand our patterns.

When does anxiety tend to appear?

What's happening in my body?

What thoughts accompany it?

What am I afraid might happen?

What do I do when I become anxious?

What helps me feel safer or more grounded?

Because when we understand our patterns, we have more choice in how we respond to them.

Things that helped me and may help you too

I want to be careful here.

These aren't “10 things that will cure your anxiety.”

They're strategies that can form part of a wider toolkit. Some helped me personally; others are approaches I regularly explore therapeutically.

Take what feels useful and leave what doesn't.

1. Learn your anxiety

Start noticing rather than immediately fighting it.

You could spend a couple of weeks recording:

What happened?What did I think?What did I feel physically?What did I do next?What helped?

Over time, patterns may begin to emerge.

2. Ground yourself in the present

When anxiety pulls us into “What if?”, grounding can help bring our attention back to “What is happening right now?”

One technique I found useful was the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise.

Notice:

5 things you can see4 things you can feel or touch3 things you can hear2 things you can smell1 thing you can taste

You don't need to do it perfectly. The purpose is simply to reconnect your attention with your immediate surroundings.

3. Create a support plan

During a particularly difficult period, I had someone I trusted who knew what anxiety looked like for me.

We had already discussed what might help if I called while struggling.

I think there's something powerful about having these conversations before we're overwhelmed.

Who can you contact?

What usually helps?

What makes things worse?

What would you want someone to remind you of when anxiety is loud?

Support doesn't necessarily remove the anxiety, but it can mean you don't have to navigate it alone.

4. Get the thoughts out of your head

Anxiety can sometimes feel like having twenty tabs open in your brain and not knowing which one is making all the noise.

Writing helped me.

But journalling doesn't have to mean sitting beautifully with a notebook and candle every evening.

Write.

Type.

Record a voice note.

Make a messy list.

Sometimes the first step is simply giving your thoughts somewhere else to go.

5. Move your body

Movement became another useful tool for me.

Swimming was particularly helpful. There was something about having to focus on my breathing and physical movement that brought my attention back into my body and the present moment.

That won't be everyone's thing.

Yours might be walking, running, dancing, stretching or going to the gym.

The aim isn't to exercise the anxiety away. It's another way of supporting your nervous system, reconnecting with your body and caring for yourself.

6. Be careful with avoidance

This is something I understand differently now.

When something makes us anxious, avoiding it can bring immediate relief.

And sometimes stepping away from an overwhelming environment is exactly what we need.

But if avoidance becomes our main way of coping, our world can gradually become smaller.

So rather than always asking:

“How can I avoid this feeling?”

we can sometimes ask:

“What would help me feel supported enough to face this in a manageable way?”

That distinction matters.

7. Give yourself space to reset

I've always valued having space to think.

During difficult periods, getting away from my usual environment sometimes helped me slow down and reconnect with myself — and somewhere along the way, I discovered my love for solo trips.

You don't need to book a hotel or leave the city.

Your version might be an afternoon without commitments, a long walk, sitting somewhere quiet, switching your phone off for an hour or simply creating some breathing room in an overloaded week.

Rest isn't running away from your life.

Sometimes it's what allows you to return to it with greater capacity.

8. Create an environment that helps you regulate

I noticed that when my anxiety was particularly heightened, noise could feel overwhelming.

Sometimes I needed silence.

At other times, calming instrumental music or a quieter environment helped me settle.

Pay attention to your surroundings.

Lighting, noise, clutter, temperature, music and even how much information you're consuming can all influence how stimulated you feel.

You might not be able to control your entire environment, but there may be small things you can change.

9. Make room for whatever grounds you

For me, prayer has been part of that.

There were times when intentionally slowing down, praying, practising gratitude and directing my attention towards what was good and present helped quiet some of the noise.

For you, grounding may come through meditation, mindfulness, nature, music, creativity or something entirely different.

The important thing is finding practices that genuinely help you reconnect with the present rather than feeling pressured to use somebody else's version of calm.

10. Know when to seek additional support

Sometimes self-help strategies aren't enough.

And that's okay.

If anxiety is persistent, becoming difficult to manage or significantly interfering with your everyday life, consider speaking with your GP or another appropriate healthcare professional.

Therapy can also provide a space to explore not only how to manage anxiety, but what's happening underneath it.

What are the triggers?

What beliefs or experiences might be contributing?

What does anxiety make you believe about yourself or the world?

What patterns have developed around it?

And what might feeling safer look like for you?

I stopped seeing anxiety as something I had to fight

In my original understanding of anxiety, I often thought about it as a battle.

Anxiety on one side.

Me on the other.

And I needed enough tools in my armoury to win.

I don't think about it quite like that anymore.

I still believe in having tools. Grounding, support, movement, reflection and professional help can all be incredibly valuable.

But I've also learned that constantly being at war with what we're feeling can sometimes create another layer of distress.

Today, I'm more interested in understanding.

What is my body responding to?

What does this feeling need from me?

What is within my control?

What support do I need?

What would help me feel grounded enough to take the next step?

Experiencing anxiety personally didn't make me an expert on everybody else's anxiety.

But it did deepen something in me.

It reminded me that behind every symptom list, diagnosis or therapeutic concept is a person trying to make sense of what is happening to them.

And that understanding continues to shape how I sit with people today.

Chaz'ara MelodyIntegrative Therapist | Founder of Peace of Mind

Want to explore what's happening for you?

If anxiety, overwhelm or difficult emotions are beginning to affect your everyday life, you don't have to work everything out by yourself.

If you'd like to connect with me and explore how we could work together, visit my Services page to see the different ways I offer support.